Me: “Why is weather so shitty this week?”
Seattleite: “What do you mean? It’s always like this.”
Eclipse or no eclipse, can’t see the sun in Seattle anyway.
I’ve always said this—I vow to live in New York some day.
Je veux, s’il vous plaît.
Seattleite, a definition
- A pretentious hipster who resides anywhere in western Washington, reads “The Stranger,” and thinks he/she is “open-minded” because he/she attended an anti-WTO rally. Phyiscal characteristics may include pretentious goatee and somber paleness. Unmatching hipster clothes are also a must. But when properly used, Seattleite refers only to a resident of the City of Seattle. A resident of Mercer Island or Bellevue, for example, is not “hip” enough to be considered a true Seattleite.
- Someone who is easily agitated when tourists ask to see the original Starbucks, Microsoft or Kurt Cobain’s house. True Seattleites do not care for these things.
- Someone who considers Seattle to be the best city on Earth.
- A pretentious coffee snob.
- Any person who knows not to visit Pike Place Market on a Saturday.
- Someone who doesn’t need no stinkin’ umbrella.
- Any person who was disappointed by EMP, unlike the inbred hicks from across the country who come to visit it. (my note - Experience Music Project, an interactive museum combining music and science fiction, located in Seattle Center. It’s not as cool as it sounds.)
- Anybody who knows that “eating dicks” means eating burgers. (my note - Refers to Dick’s Drive-In, a Seattle institution, kind of like In-N-Out Burger, but better. XD)
- Any person who hates it when Californians drive through Washington and cry about the rain and cold.
- Someone who lives in a city completely devoid of soccer moms.
- One who is likely to be a fan of a crappy sports team.
- One who rarely sees natural sunlight, especially from September to July.
- <old Eng.> often refers to someone who is computer savvy and possesses valuable stock options.
- <new Eng.> often refers to someone who is computer savvy and possesses worthless stock options.
