fever dream

SBUX in Seattle

Summer 2012

Me: “Why is weather so shitty this week?”

Seattleite: “What do you mean? It’s always like this.”

Eclipse or no eclipse, can’t see the sun in Seattle anyway.

• A pretentious hipster who resides anywhere in western Washington, reads “The Stranger,” and thinks he/she is “open-minded” because he/she attended an anti-WTO rally. Phyiscal characteristics may include pretentious goatee and somber paleness. Unmatching hipster clothes are also a must.  But when properly used, Seattleite refers only to a resident of the City of Seattle. A resident of Mercer Island or Bellevue, for example, is not “hip” enough to be considered a true Seattleite.  
• Someone who is easily agitated when tourists ask to see the original Starbucks, Microsoft or Kurt Cobain’s house. True Seattleites do not care for these things. 
• Someone who considers Seattle to be the best city on Earth. 
• A pretentious coffee snob. 
• Any person who knows not to visit Pike Place Market on a Saturday. 
• Someone who doesn’t need no stinkin’ umbrella. 
• Any person who was disappointed by EMP, unlike the inbred hicks from across the country who come to visit it.  (my note - Experience Music Project, an interactive museum combining music and science fiction, located in Seattle Center.  It’s not as cool as it sounds.)
• Anybody who knows that “eating dicks” means eating burgers. (my note - Refers to Dick’s Drive-In, a Seattle institution, kind of like In-N-Out Burger, but better. XD)
• Any person who hates it when Californians drive through Washington and cry about the rain and cold. 
• Someone who lives in a city completely devoid of soccer moms. 
• One who is likely to be a fan of a crappy sports team.
• One who rarely sees natural sunlight, especially from September to July.  
•  <old Eng.> often refers to someone who is computer savvy and possesses valuable stock options. 
• <new Eng.> often refers to someone who is computer savvy and possesses worthless stock options.

Note to self: Top 10 Chinese Restaurants in Seattle